she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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