Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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