This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
