Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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