so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
