Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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