Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
