Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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