My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
