I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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