and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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