You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
