I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
