Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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