brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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