Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
