Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
