Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
