well I can't set my house on fire every night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
