How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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