I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
