Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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