I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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