I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
