Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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