She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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