She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
