Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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