I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
