i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
