I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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