Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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