ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You can't special order awesome
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
