I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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