he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
