I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
