I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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