Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
