That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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