So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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