everyone is single if you try hard enough
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
