she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
