Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
