Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
