he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize