I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
