Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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