I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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