nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
