I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
