I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
