TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
