If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
