No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
