she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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