No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
