We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
