i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
