That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Found the puke drawer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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