brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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