Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
