Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
