I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
