Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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