butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
