After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
