Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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